Random Sex Update lol
I just got done having hardcore anal sex…it’s nothing new, but for some reason I always have to sort of “ease” into it like I’ve never done it before…my guy is crazy about it. He gets sooooo turned on by Fucking me in my ass…& I’m a freak, so I love playing with his ass too. It makes me feel good that he’s open to it. No, I don’t go as far as strapping him or anything…just basic stuff ;). We have really kinky sex…& we have a lot of fetishes we enjoy playing out on each other…I just can’t imagine myself never NOT being so sexually attracted to him. Idk what it is. I tell him maybe it’s because he’s so…idk “wimpy” & adorable in a way…he calls himself my “punk ass boyfriend” lol. I remember when we first started dating, when I would slap the shit out of him & even in front of his friends & they’d all be like “daaaaaamn”, then we’d do it lol. Ugh…idk. I’m just glad our relationship is okay and I hope it continues to get better. Time is winding down for our little one…and this journey has been something serious! I’m tired of hurting, & I want my body back lol. I had an ultrasound done today, bc I was scared of things…being that I’ve been on so many meds…my mom was concerned too. I’m so relieved and happy that he is as healthy as can be! He has a huge head lol! William says he’s definitely my baby…bc he has my head, nose, big ass feet…& just everything (according to him & the others I’ve shown lmao)…it makes me blush and giggle lol. Well, I hope you all are doing alright as well. I’ve been kinda ignoring Tumblr :(. Didn’t notice…well
So, a little while ago, I decided to join a Borderline Personality Disorder group on Facebook…I haven’t posted anything on it. I just browse around, & get a little annoyed by the members and what they post…& all of the rules & junk. There’s so many rules. I wanna comment on some things sometimes, but I don’t, because I’m kinda scared I guess. Well…everyday has been really nice so far. Willie and I have been doing really wonderfully, & so has his family with me. His sister is throwing me a baby shower next month. It amazes me how fast my baby is approaching. In the mean time, I’ve been trying to ask as many mothers as possible about their labor Experiences, because I’m still super duper scared. Every moment I feel like I’ll be able to go through with it, I start imagining myself going into labor & scare myself all over again :’(. I hate it…I hope it won’t be that bad. I’ve heard many say it’s not what they expected, so maybe I can get through it fine too…I just want this to be over so I can have my body back. I’m tired of the pain and extreme fatigue & other probs :(. I stopped taking my seroquel…the doc didn’t stop me, but I did, because I couldn’t stand it. I’ve been kind of okay without it, but because my relationship has been on point. Well…hopefully things will stay okay…at least for a little while longer.
I haven’t been writing too much on here lately, because I’ve actually been rather content with things. Well, some of you may be glad to hear, & some may not be so glad, but he has come back to his senses, & is trying to be a better person again, & things have actually been a lot better between us…& well, there’s also others who want to be here for me & I guess kind of take his place, but I’m just so stuck on him & wanting things with him, because we’ve put so much into our relationship, & I don’t wanna let go & neither does he.:(. The only thing that’s been bothering me is the fact that our families are pretty torn over the dumb things that have been going on, which is totally understandable. Of course my mom wants me to have nothing to do with him, & his mom doesn’t feel that way; however, we still don’t communicate since that big misunderstanding from a few months ago. I just don’t know how this will turn out. Another thing I think about is losing someone better because I can’t get enough of him :(. It’s like…am I making the right decision or not? I want to continue things to see if his change of heart is here to stay & if we can be the way we used to be, but I don’t wanna miss out on something that’s guaranteed happiness :(. The attraction just isn’t mutual, you know?:(… well, I guess time will tell. It’s hard telling people about these feelings and situations, but as Usual, I’d rather tell you guys, because you’re more understanding & a lot of you are going through or have went through the same things…& experience these awful disorders. In a way I feel stupid, but I just love him lots…idk :(